American Civil War


In 1860, Abraham Lincoln became president after winning the electoral vote and the Battle of the Bands (as lead singer of the speed metal band The Amplification Proclamation). The south, pissed off that Lincoln was going to free the slaves (he wanted to hire them as groupies), said "Fuck you, buddy!" and decided to form their own country. Also, Jefferson Davis said he only lost because the judges hated Psychobilly.

Lincoln, having none of this, declared war.

The start of the campaign

The North would have won the war early on if it hadn't been for three factors: Tactics, Morale, and Megatron.

The best generals in the American army were all buddies, and decided that Jefferson Davis threw a better party. Thanks to Robert "Bobcat" Lee, Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson and Steve "Stone Cold" Austin, the Southerners were able to win key victories despite the North's better industry and numbers. As well, Jefferson Davis gave his troops free beer and hookers, giving them the morale needed to push on through. Finally, Megatron and the Decepticons took to the field (Optimus Prime and the Autobots being detained on Counter-Earth at the time).

A notable early battle of the American civil war was Union general Mark Twain, whose steammech seventh battallion defeated Goering's Zahnradsturm strategy by cutting off the Nazi's food supply.