Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria
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Epic Stache

Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria was probably the biggest rock star of the early 1900's. In 1889, he founded "Duke and Dukers," recording no fewer than seventeen Top Ten gramophone recordings. However, many did not care for his NeoEuropeanTechnoBeats, and a cabal of at least four countries each attempted to have him assassinated, sending their own battle masters to eliminate him. The assassins were known as the Black Hand.

The first was Philimino Marco, of the Holy Roman Empire. He, being an honorable combatant, announced directly his intent to slay Ferdinand, who challenged his assassin to a duel. After, like, three hours of fencing, Philimino told Ferdinand that the duel would soon be over, and Ferdinand was all like, "Yes, it shall," scoring a devastating blow on Philimino's inner thigh and allowing him to commit hari kari.

The second was Grigori Vervelveranovanoft, Russian supermodel and trained assassin. Vervelveranovanoft originally attempted to rig the Duke's throne room to explode, but when he discovered that Ferdinand was on an indefinite tour of Western Europe, he rerouted his resources into several trained trackers. Eventually finding Ferdinand near Geneva, Switzerland, Vervelveranovanoft engaged in a gun fight with the Duke, who managed to deflect the bullets by stealing a hubcap for a nearby automobile. The battle continued until Vervelveranovanoft made the fatal mistake of closing the distance, allowing for Ferdinand to engage in hand to hand combat.

The third was Joan Crawford, who would later go on to fame in Hollywood. She attempted to seduce the Duke, who was too faithful to his wife to fall for such tricks. However, since he couldn't kill a woman, he stuck her on a boat and sent her to America, where she would act in several films and beat her adopted children.

The fourth was Shinizuki Shinimori, a ninja assassin of the Orient, who was the most accomplished bladesman of him day. When Shinimori discovered that the Duke was training in Brazilian Jujitsu, he realized he had to strike quickly, lest he be unable to stop him. The battle took place on the roof of the palace, and lasted several days. Until, finally, both were exhausted. The Duke paused a moment, distracted by the sound of his son beat-boxing on a nearby balcony, and lowered his sword at a crucial moment, allowing Shinimori the killing blow. When questioned by his assassin, the Duke responded "The future of music is in good hands," motioning to his son, and died.

When his fans hear the news, the immediately played his music non-stop for several days. The British Crown declared a day of mourning, and the French hired a Jamaican voodoo priestess to resurrect the archduke, which worked, but he immediately announced his retirement from the front-lines of the music scene. His reanimated corpse continued to play music on and off over the next century, eventually scoring another hit single in the late 1990's.

He was also an Archduke of some place; whatever, it's not important.